Relief? Sort of...

(Something I should have done 2 days ago)

So I finally did it, I finally quit OAC, the toughest and most feared of all PDPs in TJC. I can say that I am more or less relieved and liberated, although the circumstances in which I left the club was not exactly...pleasant.

It occured about 2 days ago, on Wednesday. I picked up my PDP withdrawal form 2 days before that, and I told the PDP tutors long ago about my (and my mom's) intention to leave the PDP which I was so enthusiastic about a few months ago. I attended morning training, as usual. I was planning to go for one last PT training in the afternoon before getting the signature of the tutor of my new PDP so as to cut the last of my ties with OAC. Plans...yeesh...some plan it turned out to be. After reporting in with the rest of the J1 team, in push-up position, a senior asked me about getting the PDP withdrawal form, after I replied, all I got was this,

"You can leave now."

Well that was bloody curt, and I was seriously taken aback. How the fuck did they know about this in the 1st place? To be honest, I was so fucking confused that all I did was to get up, walk past my ex-teammates, get my bag, and GTFO of the school compound. No goodbyes, nothing else, just plain silence as I got further and further away from the reporting area. I did not even have the chance to talk to the seniors, not that I wanted to, but I hoped to settle things down before I left. No chance for that now, never again.

4 more trainings till the June assessment camp, and I left. Fucked up timing, fucked up PDP life. I did not quit because of the physical strain (although it made a damned good incentive to do so), nor did the strict discipline, that threatened to hammer us down whenever we screwed up, contribute to me wishing to leave (still, this also made a damned good incentive). It was more of disillusionment, and parental pressure.

My mom wanted me to quit a long time ago, ever since I joined up and got the 1st 3 blisters in my life. It was only recently, when her disapproval became more profound, that I was under pressure to get out. I tried to calm her down, but she would not listen (too much). Hiaz...protective parents... not that I can blame her.

Of course, I cannot pin everything on "mummy". I started to become disillusioned a few weeks back. My enthusiasm waned when I realised none of my efforts at being a proper OACian was making any headway, my physique wasn't improving well enough and I am almost always alone during trainings. Besides, being ostracised day after day was not very good for my morale.

So now, I am no longer an OACian, even if I have not completed the paperwork. Perhaps I might regret my decision to quit later on, looking at how close I am to becoming an instructor (maybe not), but I will not entertain this thought right now. I suppose I have better things to do, and I have to scout for a new PDP, Debate seems nice.

Goodbye OAC, I hardly knew you.