Reunion, gathering, whatever, as long as those guys are there.

I met up with two wonderful groups of people these past few days, my Pre-U seminar group, and my gang of nerds from Bedok View. After all the fun we went through, it's great to be able to sit down, relax, and reminisce about the wonderful times we've had, or just talk cock.

Monday was SG-15's BBQ, at that faraway place called the West Coast Park. Boy, compared to ECP, that place is infested with mosquitoes, and the scenery was "less than perfect". After shopping with Jason, Munsyi, Dillon and Haskel at some mall in Clementi, we got dropped off at one end of the park, forcing us to walk 3km with all our stuff, just to find our pit, the wrong directions given by some construction labourer did not help (Haskel shouted KNN when we went past him the 2nd time, bloody EPIC sia, 2nd only to Dillion running away from a insect filled grass patch like a sissy, no offence bro). Reaching our pit brought a little relief, the mosquitoes were still coming after our blood, damned pests. Slacking ensued, before we got sick and tired of waiting for everyone to come, and started lighting up the coals. Boy, the things we did when everyone arrived were not exactly what a frat boy would see as exciting, but talking about everything under the fun, cracking inside jokes, poking fun at each other, singing songs with out of tunes voices and going wild after finding out that we shared similar traits, made for a wonderful gathering. Too bad only around 10 of us could make it. Hopefully Jason's planned steamboat session would be even better.

Tuesday, it's the nerds' turn to have a great time.Unfortunately Nobel had to call my cellphone so as to wake me up, crap, that's meant that I was late. (Although almost everyone else was late, especially CK, the dog) After NOT enjoying myself in Texas Chicken (was comparing the food to Popeyes too much), we went to watch X-men: 1st class. The dog came in after the part where a young magneto fucked up a couple of Nazi soldiers, although I hardly took any notice. LAN came afterwards, too bad we could not have our usual fare of Battlefield 2 and Counter Strike, that damned LAN shop at Bedok Central had some stupid new rules that forces you to play for 3 hours at least just to get your money's worth, dicks. Still, Simpang Bedok wasn't so bad, even though we could only play CoD4 and dota (which for once, I actually played well *fist bump*).
Then it was pricey food at some nearby eatery, where the waitress was a bitch, and crashing Yan Zhong's place soon became an introduction to Team Fortress 2.

Those days seemed too much like one of those gatherings I had together with my BVSS friends/classmates/NPCC comrades during the post O' level slack-fest, where I savoured every moment, and lived life to the fullest. All those memories...haunt me till this day, along with all the memories I had when my uniform was white and beige, sometimes with shorts instead of trousers if the memories was from way back into the 1st years of life as a Bedok Viewian. Crap, now that my June common test is coming up ruins everything that was good about looking back at the past. Damn...no rest for the weary. Duty calls, time to get back to work (a.k.a start mugging).

To think the June holidays were 4 weeks of (more or less) slacking, for the past 10 years, even when the O levels were around the corner. F*cking hell...(shit, I can believe I even bother to censor that)

Relief? Sort of...

(Something I should have done 2 days ago)

So I finally did it, I finally quit OAC, the toughest and most feared of all PDPs in TJC. I can say that I am more or less relieved and liberated, although the circumstances in which I left the club was not exactly...pleasant.

It occured about 2 days ago, on Wednesday. I picked up my PDP withdrawal form 2 days before that, and I told the PDP tutors long ago about my (and my mom's) intention to leave the PDP which I was so enthusiastic about a few months ago. I attended morning training, as usual. I was planning to go for one last PT training in the afternoon before getting the signature of the tutor of my new PDP so as to cut the last of my ties with OAC. Plans...yeesh...some plan it turned out to be. After reporting in with the rest of the J1 team, in push-up position, a senior asked me about getting the PDP withdrawal form, after I replied, all I got was this,

"You can leave now."

Well that was bloody curt, and I was seriously taken aback. How the fuck did they know about this in the 1st place? To be honest, I was so fucking confused that all I did was to get up, walk past my ex-teammates, get my bag, and GTFO of the school compound. No goodbyes, nothing else, just plain silence as I got further and further away from the reporting area. I did not even have the chance to talk to the seniors, not that I wanted to, but I hoped to settle things down before I left. No chance for that now, never again.

4 more trainings till the June assessment camp, and I left. Fucked up timing, fucked up PDP life. I did not quit because of the physical strain (although it made a damned good incentive to do so), nor did the strict discipline, that threatened to hammer us down whenever we screwed up, contribute to me wishing to leave (still, this also made a damned good incentive). It was more of disillusionment, and parental pressure.

My mom wanted me to quit a long time ago, ever since I joined up and got the 1st 3 blisters in my life. It was only recently, when her disapproval became more profound, that I was under pressure to get out. I tried to calm her down, but she would not listen (too much). Hiaz...protective parents... not that I can blame her.

Of course, I cannot pin everything on "mummy". I started to become disillusioned a few weeks back. My enthusiasm waned when I realised none of my efforts at being a proper OACian was making any headway, my physique wasn't improving well enough and I am almost always alone during trainings. Besides, being ostracised day after day was not very good for my morale.

So now, I am no longer an OACian, even if I have not completed the paperwork. Perhaps I might regret my decision to quit later on, looking at how close I am to becoming an instructor (maybe not), but I will not entertain this thought right now. I suppose I have better things to do, and I have to scout for a new PDP, Debate seems nice.

Goodbye OAC, I hardly knew you.

Old memories never die.

Just came back from my school choir's "Wild Thinks" concert, it was marvelous. 1st school concert that I've attended, and it would not be the last. Felt bad that I could not attend the OAC night cycling trip due to parental discontent, but I would not be bothered too much over it.

After the concert, met up with one of my BVSS buddies, Firdaus Buhari, the arsehole which I both hated and cherished. We reminisced about old times and talked about our lives right now (or more correctly, bitching about how shitting pre-U life is right now). Our conversation stretched from Bedok Point, to the Mcdonalds outlet near Bedok Interchange, to the Bedok public library andboy did we have one hell of a time.

Despite all the good that this meeting brought up, it does bring to light a few shitty things.
-I have yet to get into a clique in my school, with not many "close" friends outside my CG.
-The CCA I am in is not exactly the most desirable.
-I have been spoiled by the great times I've had in a neighbourhood school, where everything was "light & easy".

Now I have a feeling that my JC life is starting to become screwed up. Wanted to see the teacher in charge of CCAs or something of similar capacity but she is always not in the fucking PE staff room whenever I made an effort (7 or more times already!!) to find her, bullshit sia.

I suppose that's enough rambling for today, I am tired, and I want my slumber.

I am ACHING all over...

Just back from a 15+ km orienteering trek from TJ all the way to Changi Village. That was indeed satisfying, like the staircase climbs in Bukit Timah Hill the OAC team did last week, if it was exhausting (not really). Too bad I will not have moments like these anymore. My mom wants me to quit, and persuading her did fuck-all to help. I suppose she has her reasons, but having to leave one of the most hardcore and respected CCAs (or PDPs as the school likes to call them) in TJC will suck balls. I guess I have myself to blame as well. I was not disciplined or determined enough in the past, thinking that every training is a potential death sentence, complaining about my "predicament" to my mother did wonders to her impression of OAC (which already wasn't very good in the first place). Well that sucks.

As a new student, I came to this school with huge aspirations. Wanting to either join HC or the Students' Council and perhaps becoming a house captain. Too bad academics and perhaps my lack of initiative, coupled with my inactivity became a huge slap in the face. At least being an Outdoorer would give me some prestige, being tough, rough and not someone to mess with. Now even that possibility will be out of reach. Fuck this. Now I will have to search for another PDP. The Global Diplomatic Relations Council seems to be a good choice although it being a typical "nerd" CCA would not do wonders to the apparent respect i might have gained as an OACian. How I hate this world right now.

AOB will be stated upon at a later time. I am extremely lethargic right now, having slept only 2 hours after burning the midnight oil. Fucking PI...

A few more hours and off I go!

Ah, my very 1st overseas trip in my JC life is just a few hours away, unless I get into some sort of trouble which will indeed fuck my life up. Packed almost everything I need, clothes, torches, cellphones (yes, more than one), batteries, camera, toiletries, guts, enough plastic and ziploc bags to madden a Greenpeace activist and whole lot of other stuff. Seems like I am actually beginning to enjoy OAC, especially after yesterday's PT (improved my 5.7 km by 10 minutes, ah...my stamina, how I love you so). I do hope this will be enjoyable and challenging at the same time (if it's the latter only then my urbane body will turn into a fucking carcass), with all the abseiling, caving, trekking and shit, I just hope we do not get tekan-ed during the whole expedition.

Besides, even if this was shit, at least it would take my mind off yesterday's history and maths tests (fucking horrible little motherfuckers, I think you have an idea on how I fared now). Will stop here now, better get on with my preparations, be back in a few days (if I do get back :P).

So long a journey, so painful the agony.

Lectures, tutorials, homework and more work. Whoever tries to bring in the phrase "carpe diem" should GTFO of JC life, there's no way I can properly seize any day, any time now. I come home everyday, sapped of strength, and the bed is like a prostitute to a man high on pure cocaine. Breaks turn into 5, 8 hour slumbers, leaving me to wake up at 6 am, cursing as my unfinished homework invades my line of sight. I slack, I struggle, only to slack again, as I search in vain for goals, encouragement, aqua vitae, or anything else able to get my act together, anything that can get me focused, anything that can justify my existence in TJC, anything at all...

I bet fate must be laughing his arse off right now, for I am now Richard, Duke of Gloucester, and the words "Despair and die!" are turning into an earworm that threatens to turn my sanity into mush. PI's a killer no doubt, adding to my troubles in that hated game of unknowns and numbers, godforsaken math, and OAC (how I loathe, yet love that volatile activity). Yet, I must push on, I cannot let myself down just yet. I have come so far, not to fucking give up. I do not want to be exhausted, I do not wish to run, with massive stitches and tears rolling down my cheeks as the finishing line comes into view, a mile away, but I will, till I can shout "It is done!" and collapse onto the ground, sobbing like a girl from the pain and satisfaction.

The journey will be hard, life isn't easy anymore, time to drag my body and abuse it until it gets the message to stop complaining and get a move on.

FML TTM in regards to my PDP

Why the fuck did I join OAC in the first place. Can't believe a decision to just have a look at the OAC booth during the PDP selection period turned into something of hell on steroids. I am becoming fitter, and hopefully I am losing weight as well, but I keep asking myself from time to time, "You Fuckwit! Why didn't you join the Drama club like you intended to?" I must be too desperate to relive my NPCC experiences in TJC to think properly.

Whatever it is, I am starting to kick myself. Just today, which was rather fun since we got to use the school's adventure tower, I got ostracised twice, one time which was so direct that my name's on it.. Fuck them, fuck this. I am not fucking Mr Incredible (why use that as a reference? I have no fucking idea) and I do not have the proper mindset. So you think you guys can be good, fine, I will make sure I can be just as good, if not better. Even if I get screwed physically by pushing myself, I think I will gain the respect of my teammates and regain my pride.

Other than training up myself, I might as well be patient, and wait for the seniors to GTFO. At least my life would be easier then. No shits screaming at me and stuff. Besides, quitting now would be a waste, I am on my way to getting a NYAA gold anyway, and the exercise would be good for my national service.

Now, I am shit tired, better rest for a new day ahead.