Back from Europe, a week or so ago...

Finally, I am back, for some time anyways. London and Paris, two great capital cities of the world, simply smashing, magnifique. While it was not the best trip from a social perspective (I can't seem to be interested in mixing around in conversations that I will ruin anyway), it was extremely enlightening. The numerous museums, attractions, performances, brilliant.

I suppose it was a tad discomforting at first, having to adapt to the cold temperatures (but no snow, WTF), the Tube/Metro, the fking high prices, and the lack of connectivity to the rest of the World (no auto-roaming for me, shit). Eventually, I got the hang of things, sort of. (14 days without rice, and the fact that the British hostel's breakfast can't seem to stay in my stomach aren't very good news)

With the huge amount of time spent in museums and galleries, it was definitely a feast for my brain cells. While the Natural History Museum, the British Museum and the shitlaod of art museums (including the Lourve, which was the only one I gave a damn about) were great in their own right (especially the first 2, the art museums were generally boring or "WTF am I looking at" moments), I was generally looking forward to the Imperial War Museum and the Churchill War rooms (Chateau de Versailles and the medieval village of Provins were a treat as well). It was a military historian's wet dream! All the militaria, the history, the artifacts, the exhibits, the experiences of those who actually were there (I met a survivor of the London Blitz!), my goodness! I definitely ticked off many things from my bucket list from those visits.

Then there was the food and people. The people were generally helpful, and polite. Especially so in France when we are as Francophone as Helen Keller, in her mom's womb. And the guides were brillant, funny, and they do have character, acting as if they were part of the attractions themselves! Although there were dicks here and there, but I guess dicks are located everywhere around the damned globe. Then there was nutrition, very expensive, yet, very filling. I've never eaten so many baguettes, so much pasta and so much fast food in my life! Of course, those were the cheaper options for students like us, and a member of the middle class like me. They were delicious though, most of the time (snails anyone?), but the fact that a cuppa would cost as much as a meal in Burger freaking King still pisses me off. Still, it's Europe, land of Arty Farty crap, loads of it, and expensive goods (don't ask me about shopping, if shopping was a religion, I would be a heretic)

Still, there were not so good parts about the trip. While the public transport systems of both cities were very good (almost, their stations were not the most impressive), having to walk around is still a bitch (but it prevented me from becoming an American, looking at the enormous amount of food we had at every meal), and it gave me the benefit of observing the everyday life in a Western European metropolis. Crime also proved to be a nuisance, while it wasn't so bad in London, except for having to look out for pickpockets all the freaking time, Paris was shit. That place was filled with freaking gypsies (no offence to the Roma people) who beg and beg and look for opportunites to stuff their hands into my pockets, all I could say to them was non merci and "Get a job!" (Under my breath, obviously). Perhaps, Singapore is not so bad after all.

Despite their flaws, I had a wonderful time in both countries. It was a pain in the arse (literally, 12 hours in economy class sucks) that I had to go home after so long, but then again, it was time. I have a lot of friends and things to take care of.

Last night

Tomorrow I shall be setting off to Paris. Just as well, I am left with only £10. Looking back at how much one has spent is scary indeed. Will have to be careful with my Euros then, I have yet to find my bag (Best bet is in Galleries Lafayette). London (as well as Bath) has been wonderful, with a few nicks here and there, I hope Paris will be the same, although the cheese eating surrender monkeys might not be as jolly as the bulldogs.

London, with not much time left online.

London, 2314 hours. 2nd day running. Went to loads of attractions and places of interest. And loads of food as well. Shit, all my running had gone to waste. Treat £ as S$ is definitely not a good idea, but I can manage. I hope to be online soon. Internet's fucking expensive in the hostel, and I can't access FB, ARGH!

Going off to the Land of Hope and Glory

4 more hours till I set off to the airport, for 2 weeks (more or less) in London and Paris. I should be excited. Well, I suppose I am, but compared to my UG trip to Japan 2 years ago, it's something akin to a whimper. I guess the fact that I hardly know any of my peers going for this trip played a huge part in this situation. Moreover I will (most probably) be the only lone ranger not having his parents waving him off. Damned UK civil servant strike, now I am the one seeing them off, not the other way round. At least my cousin is kind enough to give me a lift, and I will have a few wonderful secondary school comrades seeing me off.

Perhaps I should stop being such a pessimistic fucker. The fact that I am able to go to Europe in the first place is an indicator of my improving, although erratic luck. Maybe Hopefully, I will be able to make some new friends on this trip. 14 days can't go by with me being a lonely bugger. Besides, I will had loads of shitty work on my hands once this trip is over, sigh.

My bags are all packed, cameras (yes, I am bringing more than 1) charged, and I am now able to speak "Sorry sir/mdm, I can't speak French, can you speak English?" I guess I am more or less ready to go. To anyone who even bothers to read this infrequently updated blog/rant, cya in a few weeks.

Monotony...bummer

Middle fingers plucking out clicks from the keyboard. Kate Bush reverberating in my earplugs. Another typical monotonous night. So much to do, but so little allocated to me. Of course, I do have a lot of homework to do, but I shall procrastinate, I rather enjoy a bit of "me" time first. Time to catch up with friends and acquaintances. Time to work out. Time to explore my World. Time to wallow in jealousy under the shadow of the success of others, only to take a vow to destroy that shadow or surpass it. Time for what is basically R&R. A week or so till my trip to London/Paris, I better make those few days count.

EoY reflections

It's the end of the school year, although this term is extremely subjective, considering the fact that my A Level OP is this Friday, and I still have lectures the week after. Not to mention the avalanche of holiday homework that I fear will come down upon me. At the very least, I can rejoice in the fact that my workload now has been drastically reduced...sort of, as well as the fact that I have done reasonably well for my promos (the fact that I mugged for 2 weeks either shows my prowess or stupidity, either way, I'm cool).

For the past few days I have been slacking like a corrupt Malaysian policeman on the Second Link causeway. Watching Youtube videos over and over again, reading, playing my Xbox 360 with games that have begun to lose their appeal. I am seriously bored. Maybe I should start on my homework soon. I recently had a dinner with my cousins, and I've started a routine of jogging around the neighbourhood, so at least I am not a complete couch potato, thank goodness for that.

To be honest, my holidays aren't exaclty as bad as my post O Level vacation. I have my debate competition to plan for (if enough schools actually turn up) and I will be going overseas, twice. Plus I will need to reunite with my squadmates, classmates and other wonderful Secondary school comrades, even if the reunion lasts only for a mere 5 hours. I better get my ass in gear then. At the end of this week would be the 1st anniversary of my last O level paper, perhaps I might have something good to blab about.

Reflections

It has been more than a week since the end of my promotional exams. I am not going to say much about it. The results are less than satisfactory, might have to forfeit my London trip, as well as the 700 dosh penalty. Tuesday will tell me whether my J1 life ends with a bang or a bang from a gunshot. Moderation, I do hope you can do something about my predicament. While I have wasted my September holidays, it proved to be something of a wake up call, I guess I should be thankful for it. My Econs might be shit, but at least it was not the most miserable...hopefully.

Debate brought about much needed relief from the damned academics, until I was drafted into the proposition for a debate against internet anonymity. Still, it was quite fun, especially when my peers now know how deranged my mentality is. Bonded with them, well, Jordin at least when we had dinner at Subway. And our conversations further showed them how demented I was. I look forward to shocking my peers once again.

Then, I had the opportunity to meet up with a couple of ex-schoolmates yet again. Bros from Bedok View NPCC. The same old rhetoric: old times, how shitty our present situation is now, girlfriends, cigarettes (for them anyway) and all sorts of nostalgic crap we could think of. It might seem like a worthless exploit to try and relive the old times, but, I guess we all have our moments of glory.

More nostalgia came when I went to see my Sec 4 tutors. First was the science tutor, Ms Pratthi (spelling?). Wonderful teacher, and she was teaching a bunch of Sec 4 students when I went into the tuition centre. To think I was in their shoes only a year ago. Time does fly, and I guess it is human nature not to cherish their most memorable moments until they are long gone. I do miss the company of Jeremy, Bo Jun and those 2 girls, all the lewd jokes and crap. Those were simple, yet precious moments, I regret not treasuring them, but then again, I am just looking back with the benefit of hindsight..

Went to see my MT tutor afterwards. Our meeting was brief, very brief. I suppose she was tired. She seemed to be happy to meet me, but she seemed to be in a hurry to finish our conversation. A bit weird, since I had been her student for almost 7 years. I could still vaguely remember my last class with her, when we reminisced about old times and all the (missing) acquaintances and (disappeared) friends I've made there. While I am not the most enthusiastic about the language of the "Middle Kingdom", I did reasonably well for my standards. I have yet to thank her for that.

JC life, despite being only a year old for me, has been a life changing experience. An entity that practically changed, if not destroyed my previous routines, changed my perspectives, reduced my optimism and stifled my emotions. For the better or worse, I do not know, even after 4 hectic school terms. All I can say is, things will never be the same. Life is like a town ravaged by a hurricane, some things might disappear, others might stay, but things will never be the same again.

Random ramblings

I've finally managed to do two hours of proper study, I guess that gives you an idea on how productive my holidays were. After 2 hours of Southeast Asian history at a McDonalds near home, I've decided to ditch one hour of literature so that I could hang out with a couple of old comrades who interrupted my lonely existence. Ah, the joys of "lepaking" with a few friends, bullshitting about how screwed up our lives are, talking about future ambitions and reflecting on the past with the benefit of hindsight. Moments like these, no matter how scarce, are always more enjoyable than surfing the net or even LAN gaming (with I enjoy with a passion mind you), even if all we do is to talk in some secluded corner of Bedok Central, made cosy by the cool, humid equatorial night. I hope we would be able to do something like this again, I really do.

SLCamp 2011, something's up, and it's good.

It's been 4 days since SLCamp 2011. It was simply amazing. The activities, the people, the bonds and the spirit that we all had. If this is what being a TJCian means, I am definitely in the right school.

It would be a total bore, and not worth my time (or rather, yours) to recollect every single moment (or most of it) in the camp. That's the job of my two cameras, my Panasonic Lumix DMC-FX9 and my disposable Fujifilm. However, those 3 days and 2 nights in kota Tinggi's rainforest resort as well as a few hours in TJC and several parts of Singapore during day 1's nomadic race, were freaking awesome. While I do not expect my group to be as bonded as my pre-U seminar team, I am sure that change is coming. While the games, the jungle trek, the raft building fracas and the campfire were activities that every single Leadership camp would have, I have a hunch that change is coming to TJC, and this year's batch of SLCampers (with me as one of them) would lead the charge.

First though, I must have my say about the camp itself. The Sportsexcel ppl who made the camp happen...they have their work cut out for them. It was a rather unique experience. From the accomodations which consisted of tents made out of plastic covers over small concrete platforms, to the showers which did not work (forcing us to use the low taps instead, squatting down naked is never fun), to the small rickety canteen which became a melting pot of facilitators, participants and everyone else for those short few days.

While the activities were not as tough as some of the other camps which I've attended, there were times and trials where my limits were probed. Especially in a segment in which my team had to build a raft out of vats and poles and rope. Bloody hell, I regreted it when I overestimated the abilities of myself and my group. Thank goodness we managed to get our vessel into the water, I've never swam so hard (or so willingly) in my life. Moments of blood, sweat and tears aside, all work and no play makes Jack a dull emo kid. There was much fun to be had in the camp. Be it the numerous times my group and I played the "nah nah" game on the last day, to the campfire in which everyone was as high as a bunch of junkies on 50% pure Colombian cocaine, goodness gracious me, those were fun times. The photographs I've taken of (in no particular order) Jonathan, Leon, Jia Khee, Peggy, Yu Hang, Christian, Gaya the Great and Myself will be preserved for prosterity.

 
Even as I ramble about the details of the camp. Something more important than friendships, fun and memories was to be gained from the camp. I cannot really describe it, any one word would be too vague to decribe it. Whatever it is, it just involves the revival of a long lost TJ spirit. I am not too sure on how to go about it in words...screw it. I will talk about that when I am able to.

Mundane routines of hard work and meagre salvation

Another day as a JC student, another day of mugging, human Xeroxes, PW woes and the like. The fact that I have 2 tests ahead of me isn't helping much, damned history, to think I am planning to study it at university level. I guess my fingerprints will soon be wiped off the face of the Earth through friction.

Tried spicing up things for once, by showing the class the 1984 movie, Nineteen-Eighty Four (nice timing eh?) in GP today. Not that it helped much. I guess such films should only be watched if one has had the time to read the book or (at the very least) knows the gist of things. The movie isn't Due Date, but certain scenes aren't going to help it in the board of censors arsewipes, not a very good sign there. Mrs Lau may call it a valiant attempt to "enlighten" or "introduce" the class about the ideas surrounding the book (bless her, and this is from a freethinker), but the next time I am having playing a movie in class, it will be either Hot Fuzz or Rambo, either will suffice. (Hopefully the 20 girls in my class of 25 might have the hots for Sylvester Stallone, or Simon pegg) I just hope my "valiant" attempt does not label me as a person of ill repute, even though it is not very likely.

On other matters, I've just created my own Tumblr page (that is SO individualistic). It's as cliche as heck but it might be a good way of expressing my daily emotions......nah. I think I will just spam "nigga stole my bike" all over the damned thing. If anyone has an imbecilic wish for death via boredom, here's the link. And yes, I do know what "Sieg heil" and "Shalom" means, and yes, I am being a douche.

Finally, got to do something that is significant.

Today...no, make that yesterday, woke up at six plus, all tired and aching. Had a miserable shower before a meagre breakfast that preced the lugging of my NPCC uniform to school along with my backpack, all before 0700, all because of one thing, TJC's National Day "Parade". And I am the Parade Commander, something that I never was in my days in BV NPCC. All the trainings and uniform preparations would have to pay off then, or I was to have another cock-up to haunt me for the rest of my life.

Less than 30 minutes, following a last minute rehearsal, I was standing at rest, alone, in front of the rock wall, trying not to move an inch while waves of TJCians moved to the assembly grounds. Most of them left me alone, but a couple of PRCs just had to act like fucking idiots around me, no offence, but oh how I wish I could just shoo them away like flies, thank goodness they left before my patience ran out.

What happened next after the ceremony started would be too long-winded a story, but I do remember the details properly. The anxiety that gripped me at the start. The first few commands being accompanied by a shivering right knee. I think my voice cracked once or twice. And the damned microphone prevented me from doing my stationary drills properly (I did my best), I should have anticipated its presence. Still, I guess I did, at the very least, reasonably well for my role as a PC, especially when this was the first, and probably last time I will have such a role.

As I marched off the parade grounds with the flag party, I felt so proud of myself. I finally did something significant, especially when it's in front of the whole school. Of course, the praises I've received were not just the mere icing on the cake, not that I got many of them, but they mattered so much to me. I might sound like an insecure son of a bitch, but they somehow indicated that I am someone who mattered, someone who is not exactly excellent at, but at least capable of doing something right. Hey, it's not everyday when Mr Tan would come up to you and said something that probably contained the words "impressed" and "surprised the whole class". I guess this success kind of made up for that awkward experience I had during the concert afterwards, when I sat alone at the back of the hall. And besides, I had two outings with my ex-classmates after that.

Right now, I am exhausted, time for me to catch some Zs, especially after today's...pleasant...success.

Seriously, can't things get any worse?

If there's some higher being up there, I doubt that he is as all-loving as depicted in the Bible, Koran or whatever. Today's college clean-up...I don't know what to say, it wasn't a first class cock up, but calling it a success would be absolute bullshit. I dont think I am getting the respect I deserve (more like need) for being a CG rep. Not that I want it, but if I want to serve my class and my peers, it would be a bitch to attempt every task I am assigned to and not gain any recognition or even cooperation. While I know that some of my classmates are doing their bit, and perhaps more, others...f*ck it. Maybe it's me, perhaps I am unable to get instructions across everytime I do so, perhaps I am unable to maintain an aura of authority, but what do I know? Being questioned as if I did something wrong, as if I am an unreliable dog whose attempt at passing on instructions from the up-and-up should not be taken seriously. If any of my classmates manage to stumble upon this post, I would expect them to be at least a bit pissed. Still, this mostly one-sided "rant" would not be written without an emotional reason. I just hope for better days to come, or perhaps the day in which I can be recognised for my efforts, if any of it is seen in the first place.


Now, I shall try to do some schoolwork. That lazing sloth of a younger sister pissed me off big time not too long ago, not sure whether I would even bother to work on a subject which I despised in the first place.

Bored, when I am supposed to be studying.

The JCTs are over, not that this is something to be really happy about. Some of the papers were shit while most of them were just plain fucked up. At least I am able to enjoy a three day break, thanks to Youth Day, if only this can last forever. When school reopens, shit is going to hit the fan.

Self condemnation, a smart way of enlightening oneself.

I guess this has become a common occurrence during my JC life, a fucking wonderful one it has been. I set myself some crazy ass, high-up-in-the-sky expectations that could have been achieved with some good old diligence and determination, only to ignore or forget about them through a lack of initiative and a bout of laziness, fucking A. Looking down on myself and moaning about those lost opportunities is seriously doing wonders to my screwed up self esteem. This non-physical version of wrist cutting (it finally hit me) just makes things worse I guess, turning me into a more pessimistic version of thyself, with the mindset not dissimilar to that of the followers of that emo subculture whom I often despise. Yuck. No wonder I could not find any motivation to study for my JCT until now, and even then, I am running on desperation and urgency, nothing that fuels me even contains a pinch of motivation or vitality. All I have done, and perhaps, am still doing, is to search for any avenues of entertainment, video games, the internet, social gatherings, ec cetera. Any activities of academic value, perhaps, but the amount of time spent on them is rather miniscule. Optimism, bah!

Having the frequent habit of constantly looking at Facebook posts, photographs and videos from the past, is at times...heart-wrenching. Reminiscing about the past, when I thought that graduation will never come, and that the future is so far away, dreaming about it and messing around in the present isn't going to do any harm. Such a juvenile mindset, and yet, it brought me peace and contentment. Of course there were numerous ups and downs in those 4 years, yet, compared to my present situation...gosh, I don't know.

To be honest, my current J1 experiences could be similar to life as a Secondary One student, in the time of Rihanna's "Umbrella" and when the N70 was still reasonably new. I had new things to learn, my results were shit (except for a few), NPCC was tough (yes, but was a vacation compared to that PDP I left) and I had my social issues. Yet, this comparison is rather unfair, my life in TJC is much more complicated, indeed I do have the perks of being a student from a more or less established institution, and I am surrounded (not sure about motivated) by people of the same calibre (according to the MOE). As a Bedok Viewian, however, the life was simple. Of course CCA, lessons, moderate amounts of school work and 10+ hours of tuition per week might seem like a lot, but many often miss out on several factors, the huge amounts of free chronological material untouched by these activities, the miniscule amounts of stress that only spike for very, very brief moments, everyone was virtually carefree (to a certain extent).Carefree...ha! What a luxury it is to be carefree, and if one knows his economics, it carries a HUGE opportunity cost for a JC student. Sure, one can slack and "lepak" his way through the school year, the only thing is that he will have to repeat that school year all over again once his promotional results come in, might as well quit schooling altogether (or maybe enroll into a Poly, heard that life's good there).

Even though the past was indeed better, I can't do much about it. Reverting back to beige and white from Temasek green would be a fucking stupid idea. The school has changed quite a bit, most of the people I know and care about are already gone, it's not the BVSS that I am used to. Such is the unfairness of life, wonder why we bother living it when there's a 100% chance of dying in the first place?  So now, all I can do is to do my best, and prepare for the worst, or attempt to anyway. I just can't concentrate with all the distractions around me, plus I do not have much time left.

Reunion, gathering, whatever, as long as those guys are there.

I met up with two wonderful groups of people these past few days, my Pre-U seminar group, and my gang of nerds from Bedok View. After all the fun we went through, it's great to be able to sit down, relax, and reminisce about the wonderful times we've had, or just talk cock.

Monday was SG-15's BBQ, at that faraway place called the West Coast Park. Boy, compared to ECP, that place is infested with mosquitoes, and the scenery was "less than perfect". After shopping with Jason, Munsyi, Dillon and Haskel at some mall in Clementi, we got dropped off at one end of the park, forcing us to walk 3km with all our stuff, just to find our pit, the wrong directions given by some construction labourer did not help (Haskel shouted KNN when we went past him the 2nd time, bloody EPIC sia, 2nd only to Dillion running away from a insect filled grass patch like a sissy, no offence bro). Reaching our pit brought a little relief, the mosquitoes were still coming after our blood, damned pests. Slacking ensued, before we got sick and tired of waiting for everyone to come, and started lighting up the coals. Boy, the things we did when everyone arrived were not exactly what a frat boy would see as exciting, but talking about everything under the fun, cracking inside jokes, poking fun at each other, singing songs with out of tunes voices and going wild after finding out that we shared similar traits, made for a wonderful gathering. Too bad only around 10 of us could make it. Hopefully Jason's planned steamboat session would be even better.

Tuesday, it's the nerds' turn to have a great time.Unfortunately Nobel had to call my cellphone so as to wake me up, crap, that's meant that I was late. (Although almost everyone else was late, especially CK, the dog) After NOT enjoying myself in Texas Chicken (was comparing the food to Popeyes too much), we went to watch X-men: 1st class. The dog came in after the part where a young magneto fucked up a couple of Nazi soldiers, although I hardly took any notice. LAN came afterwards, too bad we could not have our usual fare of Battlefield 2 and Counter Strike, that damned LAN shop at Bedok Central had some stupid new rules that forces you to play for 3 hours at least just to get your money's worth, dicks. Still, Simpang Bedok wasn't so bad, even though we could only play CoD4 and dota (which for once, I actually played well *fist bump*).
Then it was pricey food at some nearby eatery, where the waitress was a bitch, and crashing Yan Zhong's place soon became an introduction to Team Fortress 2.

Those days seemed too much like one of those gatherings I had together with my BVSS friends/classmates/NPCC comrades during the post O' level slack-fest, where I savoured every moment, and lived life to the fullest. All those memories...haunt me till this day, along with all the memories I had when my uniform was white and beige, sometimes with shorts instead of trousers if the memories was from way back into the 1st years of life as a Bedok Viewian. Crap, now that my June common test is coming up ruins everything that was good about looking back at the past. Damn...no rest for the weary. Duty calls, time to get back to work (a.k.a start mugging).

To think the June holidays were 4 weeks of (more or less) slacking, for the past 10 years, even when the O levels were around the corner. F*cking hell...(shit, I can believe I even bother to censor that)

Relief? Sort of...

(Something I should have done 2 days ago)

So I finally did it, I finally quit OAC, the toughest and most feared of all PDPs in TJC. I can say that I am more or less relieved and liberated, although the circumstances in which I left the club was not exactly...pleasant.

It occured about 2 days ago, on Wednesday. I picked up my PDP withdrawal form 2 days before that, and I told the PDP tutors long ago about my (and my mom's) intention to leave the PDP which I was so enthusiastic about a few months ago. I attended morning training, as usual. I was planning to go for one last PT training in the afternoon before getting the signature of the tutor of my new PDP so as to cut the last of my ties with OAC. Plans...yeesh...some plan it turned out to be. After reporting in with the rest of the J1 team, in push-up position, a senior asked me about getting the PDP withdrawal form, after I replied, all I got was this,

"You can leave now."

Well that was bloody curt, and I was seriously taken aback. How the fuck did they know about this in the 1st place? To be honest, I was so fucking confused that all I did was to get up, walk past my ex-teammates, get my bag, and GTFO of the school compound. No goodbyes, nothing else, just plain silence as I got further and further away from the reporting area. I did not even have the chance to talk to the seniors, not that I wanted to, but I hoped to settle things down before I left. No chance for that now, never again.

4 more trainings till the June assessment camp, and I left. Fucked up timing, fucked up PDP life. I did not quit because of the physical strain (although it made a damned good incentive to do so), nor did the strict discipline, that threatened to hammer us down whenever we screwed up, contribute to me wishing to leave (still, this also made a damned good incentive). It was more of disillusionment, and parental pressure.

My mom wanted me to quit a long time ago, ever since I joined up and got the 1st 3 blisters in my life. It was only recently, when her disapproval became more profound, that I was under pressure to get out. I tried to calm her down, but she would not listen (too much). Hiaz...protective parents... not that I can blame her.

Of course, I cannot pin everything on "mummy". I started to become disillusioned a few weeks back. My enthusiasm waned when I realised none of my efforts at being a proper OACian was making any headway, my physique wasn't improving well enough and I am almost always alone during trainings. Besides, being ostracised day after day was not very good for my morale.

So now, I am no longer an OACian, even if I have not completed the paperwork. Perhaps I might regret my decision to quit later on, looking at how close I am to becoming an instructor (maybe not), but I will not entertain this thought right now. I suppose I have better things to do, and I have to scout for a new PDP, Debate seems nice.

Goodbye OAC, I hardly knew you.

Old memories never die.

Just came back from my school choir's "Wild Thinks" concert, it was marvelous. 1st school concert that I've attended, and it would not be the last. Felt bad that I could not attend the OAC night cycling trip due to parental discontent, but I would not be bothered too much over it.

After the concert, met up with one of my BVSS buddies, Firdaus Buhari, the arsehole which I both hated and cherished. We reminisced about old times and talked about our lives right now (or more correctly, bitching about how shitting pre-U life is right now). Our conversation stretched from Bedok Point, to the Mcdonalds outlet near Bedok Interchange, to the Bedok public library andboy did we have one hell of a time.

Despite all the good that this meeting brought up, it does bring to light a few shitty things.
-I have yet to get into a clique in my school, with not many "close" friends outside my CG.
-The CCA I am in is not exactly the most desirable.
-I have been spoiled by the great times I've had in a neighbourhood school, where everything was "light & easy".

Now I have a feeling that my JC life is starting to become screwed up. Wanted to see the teacher in charge of CCAs or something of similar capacity but she is always not in the fucking PE staff room whenever I made an effort (7 or more times already!!) to find her, bullshit sia.

I suppose that's enough rambling for today, I am tired, and I want my slumber.

I am ACHING all over...

Just back from a 15+ km orienteering trek from TJ all the way to Changi Village. That was indeed satisfying, like the staircase climbs in Bukit Timah Hill the OAC team did last week, if it was exhausting (not really). Too bad I will not have moments like these anymore. My mom wants me to quit, and persuading her did fuck-all to help. I suppose she has her reasons, but having to leave one of the most hardcore and respected CCAs (or PDPs as the school likes to call them) in TJC will suck balls. I guess I have myself to blame as well. I was not disciplined or determined enough in the past, thinking that every training is a potential death sentence, complaining about my "predicament" to my mother did wonders to her impression of OAC (which already wasn't very good in the first place). Well that sucks.

As a new student, I came to this school with huge aspirations. Wanting to either join HC or the Students' Council and perhaps becoming a house captain. Too bad academics and perhaps my lack of initiative, coupled with my inactivity became a huge slap in the face. At least being an Outdoorer would give me some prestige, being tough, rough and not someone to mess with. Now even that possibility will be out of reach. Fuck this. Now I will have to search for another PDP. The Global Diplomatic Relations Council seems to be a good choice although it being a typical "nerd" CCA would not do wonders to the apparent respect i might have gained as an OACian. How I hate this world right now.

AOB will be stated upon at a later time. I am extremely lethargic right now, having slept only 2 hours after burning the midnight oil. Fucking PI...

A few more hours and off I go!

Ah, my very 1st overseas trip in my JC life is just a few hours away, unless I get into some sort of trouble which will indeed fuck my life up. Packed almost everything I need, clothes, torches, cellphones (yes, more than one), batteries, camera, toiletries, guts, enough plastic and ziploc bags to madden a Greenpeace activist and whole lot of other stuff. Seems like I am actually beginning to enjoy OAC, especially after yesterday's PT (improved my 5.7 km by 10 minutes, ah...my stamina, how I love you so). I do hope this will be enjoyable and challenging at the same time (if it's the latter only then my urbane body will turn into a fucking carcass), with all the abseiling, caving, trekking and shit, I just hope we do not get tekan-ed during the whole expedition.

Besides, even if this was shit, at least it would take my mind off yesterday's history and maths tests (fucking horrible little motherfuckers, I think you have an idea on how I fared now). Will stop here now, better get on with my preparations, be back in a few days (if I do get back :P).

So long a journey, so painful the agony.

Lectures, tutorials, homework and more work. Whoever tries to bring in the phrase "carpe diem" should GTFO of JC life, there's no way I can properly seize any day, any time now. I come home everyday, sapped of strength, and the bed is like a prostitute to a man high on pure cocaine. Breaks turn into 5, 8 hour slumbers, leaving me to wake up at 6 am, cursing as my unfinished homework invades my line of sight. I slack, I struggle, only to slack again, as I search in vain for goals, encouragement, aqua vitae, or anything else able to get my act together, anything that can get me focused, anything that can justify my existence in TJC, anything at all...

I bet fate must be laughing his arse off right now, for I am now Richard, Duke of Gloucester, and the words "Despair and die!" are turning into an earworm that threatens to turn my sanity into mush. PI's a killer no doubt, adding to my troubles in that hated game of unknowns and numbers, godforsaken math, and OAC (how I loathe, yet love that volatile activity). Yet, I must push on, I cannot let myself down just yet. I have come so far, not to fucking give up. I do not want to be exhausted, I do not wish to run, with massive stitches and tears rolling down my cheeks as the finishing line comes into view, a mile away, but I will, till I can shout "It is done!" and collapse onto the ground, sobbing like a girl from the pain and satisfaction.

The journey will be hard, life isn't easy anymore, time to drag my body and abuse it until it gets the message to stop complaining and get a move on.

FML TTM in regards to my PDP

Why the fuck did I join OAC in the first place. Can't believe a decision to just have a look at the OAC booth during the PDP selection period turned into something of hell on steroids. I am becoming fitter, and hopefully I am losing weight as well, but I keep asking myself from time to time, "You Fuckwit! Why didn't you join the Drama club like you intended to?" I must be too desperate to relive my NPCC experiences in TJC to think properly.

Whatever it is, I am starting to kick myself. Just today, which was rather fun since we got to use the school's adventure tower, I got ostracised twice, one time which was so direct that my name's on it.. Fuck them, fuck this. I am not fucking Mr Incredible (why use that as a reference? I have no fucking idea) and I do not have the proper mindset. So you think you guys can be good, fine, I will make sure I can be just as good, if not better. Even if I get screwed physically by pushing myself, I think I will gain the respect of my teammates and regain my pride.

Other than training up myself, I might as well be patient, and wait for the seniors to GTFO. At least my life would be easier then. No shits screaming at me and stuff. Besides, quitting now would be a waste, I am on my way to getting a NYAA gold anyway, and the exercise would be good for my national service.

Now, I am shit tired, better rest for a new day ahead.

WTF am I here?

Holy crap, H2 maths is a killer, I feel like dropping, BAD!!!! Even then, I am not sure whether I can actually cope better. Nothing's good when you can hardly understand anything that is said during lectures. Whatever, I have things to do, they shall be done, even if it leaves a shitload of questions unanswered.

Besides, after a long dilemma on whether to join the school's house committee, divine intervention came in the form of my mom. At least her 2-letter answer leaves me with more time to sort out my studies, and perhaps my life (is it screwed up in the first place?).

Better GTFO now, I have loads of work to do.

Nostalgia remains, even with camaraderie, even with enthusiasm, it refuses to leave.

I finally have some time to blog, to say something close to my heart. About something that refuses to go away. I've always thought that nostalgia is a good thing, connecting one with the past. Now, it is becoming something of a nuisance. I might as well talk about it, hopefully these will put my frustrations to rest.

Last Saturday, went back to BVSS for the annual UG campfire. Actually met up with Shan Leong, Firdaus, Nabil, Seng Wei and Arif at SAFRA Tampines beforehand, but I wanted to change into my NPCC shirt (for the sentimental value). Too bad there was no time left when I got to Bedok Interchange on my way home, FML. All I could do was to meet up with my UG friends in school (including the ones mentioned in that fucking long list up there). Everything felt so natural in there, the school's layout, the people, the teachers... Unlike TJC, not that the school sucks or anything like that. It's just that...it feels so alienating.

After 4 years in a neighbourhood school, where academics are not all A's, minor successes become major victories, facilities are not perfect, and the personalities are varied. Going to the 5th best JC (I think) can be compared to a rural teen moving into a metropolis after winning the lottery. The memories as a Bedok Viewian still haunt me furiously. Perhaps I am too used to the simple life. With the lack of, and the "not giving a shit" type of attitude for activities and opportunities and stuff offered in TJ. A month + already and I am still trying to get used to things. Better sort myself out, pronto.

The lifestyle change is not the only one screwing shit up for me. My friends and the people I've become accustomed to. Be it the 15 or so squadmates in my beloved NPCC squad. Arif, Bhalaji, Crystal, Ding Wen, Firdaus, Hazirah, Jie Ting, Kian Cheng, Nabil, Nooraini, Sariza, Seng Wei, Shan Leong and finally Syafiq. Whose presence made my 4 years in NPCC a memorable one.

Or Benjamin, Matin, Wei Rong, Xun Jie, Jia Wei, Hong Yu, Tien Ee, Edmund and all those buggers whom I frequently hung out with as friends from 2E2 '08, with the not so great Sec 2 camp, BV bazaar, and even after the class broke up after streaming. The gatherings at Ben's place, Xun Jie's appendicitis, the swimming sessions we had in '09, '10, they will never be forgotten.

Not forgetting the wonderful people in 3E2/4E2 '10, be it the small but fun 'clique' that was the Pure Geog class to the jocks whom I sometimes hung out with, ranging from Hazwan to Jasper, Hafiz to Ryan, Pei Qing to Jia Ling and loads more. Plus those schoolmates from other classes during History or those MT lessons in which we slept (3rd worst class, 2009) or slacked (3rd best class, 2010).

And I must include under pain of death, my small band of nerds, Isaac, Nobel, Yan Zhong and See Cheng (a long suffering buddy of mine (and vice versa) of 4 years), with the occasional presence of Chun Kiat, the 'dog' which we all adored [and despised ;) ]

Yet, there are a few others I have to include in this post (even if it is now a long-winded P.O.S), those special few people, Josephine (Jo Jo, Bad Jojo or Nanny), Jezebel (from whom a violent reaction is triggered whenever a sleeve is pulled), Mitchell (that 'special', hyperactive one), Hui Ting, the one whom I didn't really know at first and Joshua, the pianist. They aren't the closest of friends, but they have a special place in my heart.

And how about the Juniors, be it from NPCC, RDA and so on, or even the seniors? The UG friends we have made over time and over inter-CCA rivalries? They count too!

They may not be the brightest, the most cool tempered, the most urbane, the most enthusiastic, the what-so-fucking-ever of students, but they mean a lot to me, and that's what matters. I miss being enthusiastic for NPCC trainings, I miss hanging out with my NPCC comrades at the bubble tea shop behind the school, I miss having lunch with my schoolmates at tuition, I miss slacking in MT after my chinese O'levels, I miss all these and more. Since TJC is near Bedok View, I might be able to have a look around, or perhaps get a bite or two in the places I used to hang out in, but there will not be any Bhalaji or Isaac, Nobel or Yan Zhong, or See Cheng for company.

Right now, if I was given the opportunity to relive those experiences again, I would be willing to sacrifice another 4 years of my life. Sounds extreme? Perhaps, but you are not in my shoes.
The only problem is that that opportunity will never come. I am left with only memories, recollections, blog entries, photographs and the occasional video recordings. Are they proper substitutes for experiences? Hell no! Unfortunately, they are the only ones I have left. All I can do now is to get used to it and get on with life, like the rest of humanity. These experiences and memories have brought me this far, better not fail them now.





Whew! Finally got that off my chest. Now I've homework to do. And I doubt many will see this in the 1st place. Perhaps I might have a different view of things 10+ years down the road, and even after JC, only time will tell.

WTH am I doing here?

I guess this is the result of me being a teenager in a developed nation, equipped with a portable communication device, stuck in a boring General Paper class.

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Saturdays are fun, most of the time.

Yesterday's OAC training was rather fun. Had to be punished via push ups for some mistakes my team did last training (I was on a lit field trip, HOORAY for arts!!!), but things became better later on. Had campcraft training, was supposed to build a structure with my team, but we failed, damn. Still, we did have some form of fun, and I bet we will be "pumped" like fuck next training.

Today....had my CG mates come over for some history project. 1st time alone with 2 girls in my study (for a while before Gabriel arrived), don't get me wrong, but I guess having a circle of friends like what I;ve had in BVSS sure makes this one DIFFERENT experience (awkward much). I kena arrowed to be the main presenter for our presentation, I hope this goes well...



Gosh, I bet this is one shitty post.

Fuck this

I am tired, mentally scarred, irritated and indecisive. Just came back from a grueling 2 day 1 night OAC orientation camp, I had to do push-ups, run everywhere and fuck, I cannot take more of it. I am pissed. The seniors look like arrogant dicks sometimes and now I am regretting my decision in joining this damned PDP. I wanted to quit and join the Infocomm club instead, and I do have my mom's backing. Yet, I do not want to be a quitter. I looked at my biceps and my muscles are actually GROWING! So what now? Should I stay on and suffer, or should I take the easy path. Damn, I need more guidance in this.

Fuck, I might soon walk like Roosevelt in the movie "Pearl Harbor".

Ytd was some Outdoor Adventure Club trial session. God was it tiring. Practically did the whole Napfa (or whatever you call it) test routine in less than an hour. My thighs are fucking sore right now, and my ability to walk down a flight of stars is pretty fucked up. Still, it was a pretty fun experience, having to cheer each other on during the 5BXes. I think I am pretty much set on joining OAC. Looking forward to becoming fitter and having fun, just hope this does not screw up my schoolwork (which has yet to freaking commence).

Before that, I had to participate in some CG bonding day with my class. Loved it. Especially during the foodie trail where we had to buy certain types of food. Thanks to our Civics tutor, we tried to eat outside food inside KFC before being stopped by the manager, had to eat outside while standing, to the amusement of our classmates. Sian!

Time to stop playing and start mugging.

It has finally come, the end of JC orientation. Had a fucking great time, partied like siao, hopefully our skit was a good one, considering the fact that laughter was heard. Had shitloads of cheers, clapping, shouting, laughing, singing....ah....those things will be hard to forget. I want to talk more, about the clan I was in, Klycan, winning. Or about my OG's script. Or even the conversations I've had with my OG mates, but I am just too tired. I might talk about them later, but don't bet on it.

Tired, bored, but a few hundred dollars richer.

I'm back from Malaysia, wonderful, and at least I came back via the most comfortable mode of transport, the Airliner. Beats a stupid 8+ hour coach ride that involves the risk of me getting car sick, having to lug bulky luggage bags in some crowed immigration checkpoint and suffering from a lack of sleep. A one hour journey beats that hands down, even if I had to take a 3 hour bus journey to Penang before getting on the flight.

Finished unpacking our things, and now I have several new pieces of clothing, along with 2 Bermudas which my mom thought that I desperately needed. Since I needed some new clothes for the occasion anyway, I rather not complain about a larger wardrobe (or is it a good thing?). As said in the title, I am a few hundred dollars richer, well.....a few hundred RM to be exact. I WAS in Malaysia, and most of my relatives (the married ones anyway) are there or rather, live there. Guess I will have to cut my so-called earnings by 2.4 times, that's fucked. Still, I got more than my sibling, and the monetary rewards my relatives gave me due to my O'lvl results were huge boosters for my 'revenue'.

7 points after CCA isn't exactly very impressive, but for a guy whose parents are from a small island of the west coast of Malaysia, it seems that yours truly is paving a way to a good future. And I guess I am, especially when my grandmother told me "Your grandfather (late, gone before I came into this world) would be damned proud if he knew he had you for a grandson." Thanks Ah Ma, and I think I did deserve those extra red packets my Aunts and Uncles (one of whom I call my godfather) gave me. Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to be arrogant or anything, but to make one's family proud, and to be sincerely rewarded (I will be honest, I was fucking taken aback when I got my 1st 'extra' Hong Bao) for it...it's quite indescribable.

This year's CNY overseas may not the the most exciting (my cousins and I are mostly sick and tired of firecrackers, after almost a decade with those beasts), or what one can describe as one big reunion (not all or even most of them came, not that they are able to), but it is indeed a memorable one. Or maybe it will be one of those occasions which I will have difficulty remembering with vivid detail, only time will tell.

CNY at my cousins' place PEOPLE!!!!!!

Forget abt the last word in the title. Celebrations are fun, with illegal firecrackers, family and traditional goodies going around on the spectacular little island I am on right now. Every night, for now, there would be neighbours (showing off I guess), bringing out of their homes, boxes of fireworks which they would ignite literally at their front gate. Fucking crazy, but I must admit, it's rather fun. Stupid smoke from the pyrotechnics are giving my sinuses a shitload of trouble though. Oh bother, I rather not think about them right now, I have breakfast to eat.

4 days into JC, and I am loving it!!!

It has finally happened, I actually became really enthusiastic about my JC life, URAH!! Today's the 4th day of orientation, and I love it. I was invited to lead a cheer, danced with my OG mates on stage and did the worm (bloody hell!) in the process (I was invited to do it again the 2nd time ;P) . I guess that's what gave me an ache in my spine, fuck. I managed to bond with more of my OG mates as well through games and shit, I hope this continues on till the end of orientation, or even the end of my 2 years in JC!  :D :D :D

1st day of JC, oooookay......

Today, 1st day in TJC, not bad I guess. With only a FEW ex-Bedok Viewians I can turn to for comfort, I am practically alone, for a while at least. I seriously missed Bedok View then, I guess 4 years does make you accustomed to one particular place. My orientation group-mates.....can't say much, we did not have much time for interact anyway. More orientation and sample lectures tomorrow, plus I have to go for some meeting about subject combinations. I do hope to be able to stop missing my Secondary school and be one step closer to a TJCian. It sucks to have to do that, but that's life I guess, not that I wish to leave BVSS in the dumps of history.

This is it, this is SO it!

I am now officially a Temasek Junior College student. God, I am excited and a bit apprehensive. A new school year is about to start, I will be on my way to meet up with new friends and 2 years of mugging. The only problem being that since I barely went into the Arts stream, there are rumors that I might be in the last class or something. Hopefully that will not screw me up in anyway. Time to throw away the secondary school nostalgia and start getting used to a new academic schedule. The class gathering yesterday will be the last time I will see my Bedok View friends (some of them) for a while (hopefully).....not sure what else to say. Might as well show my recent FB status.

"A few more hours to go before the last vestiges of my once cherished freedom is crushed by the pressures of education and academics. Farewell post O'level fever, goodbye BVSS friends, and so long to Goh Swee Yik, Bedok View student of class 1/2, 2/2, 3/2 & 4/2.

A new adventure awaits!"

Pulau Ubin, 2 days of mud, sand, sea and sand in my eyes.

It's been 2 days since I got back from my camping trip, it was fun, with some interesting happening here and there.

We camped at Noordin beach, a stone's throw away from the NPCC campsite (not so when it is at night). Our accommodation was rather quaint, a tent inside a hut.

The beach was unique, apart from the fact that Malaysia is extremely close by, the ground is made up some mud/clay like substance beneath 2 cm or so of sand. Great for messing around in, until I got a mudball in my eye, thx to Firdaus.

That was fucking, leaving me screaming and clutching my eye in pain. Almost had to return to the mainland. Seng Wei and Firdaus tried to fish, sadly they did not have any bait, Ubin did not sell any.

Food was basically instant noodles, nothing to talk about.

We did make a campfire out of some dried grass and stuff, but we had a hard time getting it to burn. Probably because we used too much lighter fluid. We succeeded eventually, before it died, and 'revived' itself 3 times, strange isn't it?

Firdaus also had the wonderful idea of walking to the NPCC campsite (Camp Resilience) in the middle of the night in an attempt to get some water (freeloader ;p), he failed, but at least we got to wash off the mud from our bodies :D ) I had fond memories as a cadet over there, ATC, STC, HRC....bah, nvm, getting nostalgia attacks again. The walk to and from the campsite was fking scary and thrilling though.

Sleeping was another matter altogether, despite our sleeping bags, the ground was freakin' uncomfortable. We played with cards for a while before lying down and talking-cock. I went out of the tent just to get some fresh air and a packet of bread that has been lying outside, before seeing 3 dogs, that's when we freaked out.
Reaching for metal bars which we got from our partial success at setting up a tent, we sat back to back, fearing the worst. Firdaus even called the Ubin police post, priceless.

The danger soon passed and we got to sleep, tried to anyway, Firdie's snoring was too fking loud. Woke up after 1 hour of light sleep and went to the nearby public toilet (in the dark, nothing's ever nearby) before attempting to sleep again, this time I was more successful.

The next morning was uneventful really, I just waited till we decided to pack up and go back to the mainland. Ate lunch at Mcdonalds before going home and sleep.
  

Camping tomorrow, a bit apprehensive...

Ah, less than 2 weeks before JC starts, and I am going camping with 2 of my NPCC mates, Seng Wei and Firdaus in Pulau Ubin. I do hope everything goes well. My parents are shit worried about me, guess I will have to watch myself over there just to be safe. Maybe I will talk more about it when I come back, if anyone bothered.

A bittersweet moment

It's been 2 days now since I got my results, I am quite satisfied. After all that nervous waiting (which caused me to throw up just before I got my results :P), my 'hard work' has finally paid off. A single digit score, without the CCA points giving me any assistance yet. Nice, even if I said so myself. My parents and extended family are happy for me, so are my teachers (not sure about Mr Angulia though, I got an A2 for Geog :(  ).

Amidst all this happiness though, there is some sadness. Not all of my friends did well for their exams, I rather not name them. Some shed tears of disappointment or worse. When my NPCC juniors and squadmates came to congratulate me, I was not exactly in the best of moods. How the fuck can one be if the people he cared about are not as fortunate as him? Self satisfaction is one thing, but if there are cracks in your circle of friends, any signs of joy are more or less fucked.

I know that they will get over their sadness, I really hope that they do. Right now, I will go around with my gang, checking out the JCs that I am interested in. After which, I will make the best of my holidays. I will have a shitload of things to do when school starts.

How does it feel to have an argument with your dad? Sickening isn't it?

I think you should know what just happened through the title. Nice timing, I am fucking worried about my results which will be released tomorrow, and I have a father-son cold war on my hands. Damn that asshole, and damn myself too, perhaps I have a part to play in this as well.

Waiting for tomorrow appears to be increasing the risk of me getting a cardiac arrest, a year's worth of any proper effort, and 4 years of schooling. I just hope I will do well.

Today was my 1st korean lesson, the teacher's funny, and I must admit, I had fun learning. It's still does not help me in my awkward position of being the only male in class though. Perhaps the homework assigned to me might distract me from all the shit that is going on right now.


Whatever it is, I want to get it over with tomorrow. The apprehension is KILLING ME!!!

1st Korean lesson!!! Tomorrow...

Yesterday was one hell of a gathering. Meeting up with my NPCC friends for a BBQ in East Coast Park,it was fun, more or less. Besides, I got to see Bhalaji's new "haircut". I returned home stinky, sweaty and with clothes filled with sand, but I had fun,  that's what mattered the most.

Tomorrow's the start of my 1st lesson in my $300+ Korean course, it better be worth it. Even then, I would have to leave early due to some bursary award ceremony that I need to attend, damn. It would be one hell of a rush then. Still, looking on the bright side, I am going to learn a new language, and I am going to be rewarded for doing well in my studies, so the situation's not too bad I guess.

Random thoughts typed out in Helvetica

An umbrella to the sun,
a torch to the moon,
a salute to the Captain,
perhaps to you too,

When boredom strikes,
no source of relief is seen,
for nothing can seek out this vicious fiend

Voraciously I seek,
a matching being,
a rightful companion,
to be in my two-man team.

Being with my gang,
shooting pixels which have no end,
Ironic isn't it?
That our fortes have yet to be bent.

Time flies like a jet,
glides like a ski,
speeds like a leopard,
and fucks things up like a human being.

Embarrassing moments come and go,
facets of life are these,
but if you see one happening right now,
STFU, cos' it's happening to me.

Family irritants, the bane of my life.

Read the title. GOD! Is my younger sister that fucked up?! Seriously, she does not take pride in her studies. In an effort to improve her geography, my mom actually threatened to cut her weekly allowance if she does not finish her geog. revision on time. Obviously she did, just like any soviet style construction project that was rushed, the result was one fucked up piece of crap that took absolutely no effort to conceive. I don't know, perhaps she is in a stage where she might grow out off, maybe. Bah! Enough bitching for now.

Yesterday was one hectic day, went to some fancy gym with Nabil and Firdaus in Suntec City, holy fuck, it was one hell of a place. With saunas and steams baths and a great view of the city skyline, magnificent. After which, we had no life and went into Marine Bay Sands to have a look at Nabil's workplace (I was supposed to work there, but the stupid agency had some administrative cock up), now, I WANT TO WORK THERE ASAP!

Fine, enough of that stupid nonsense, after MBS, Firdaus decided to bring us to The Sail@Marina, since he (aka his dad) has access there. God, the view there is BOSS from the 30th floor. Not to mention how luxurious the whole damn condo is. No wonder some of the people there seem to be a bit stuck up.

Ah, I better stop now, getting very late.