Relief? Sort of...

(Something I should have done 2 days ago)

So I finally did it, I finally quit OAC, the toughest and most feared of all PDPs in TJC. I can say that I am more or less relieved and liberated, although the circumstances in which I left the club was not exactly...pleasant.

It occured about 2 days ago, on Wednesday. I picked up my PDP withdrawal form 2 days before that, and I told the PDP tutors long ago about my (and my mom's) intention to leave the PDP which I was so enthusiastic about a few months ago. I attended morning training, as usual. I was planning to go for one last PT training in the afternoon before getting the signature of the tutor of my new PDP so as to cut the last of my ties with OAC. Plans...yeesh...some plan it turned out to be. After reporting in with the rest of the J1 team, in push-up position, a senior asked me about getting the PDP withdrawal form, after I replied, all I got was this,

"You can leave now."

Well that was bloody curt, and I was seriously taken aback. How the fuck did they know about this in the 1st place? To be honest, I was so fucking confused that all I did was to get up, walk past my ex-teammates, get my bag, and GTFO of the school compound. No goodbyes, nothing else, just plain silence as I got further and further away from the reporting area. I did not even have the chance to talk to the seniors, not that I wanted to, but I hoped to settle things down before I left. No chance for that now, never again.

4 more trainings till the June assessment camp, and I left. Fucked up timing, fucked up PDP life. I did not quit because of the physical strain (although it made a damned good incentive to do so), nor did the strict discipline, that threatened to hammer us down whenever we screwed up, contribute to me wishing to leave (still, this also made a damned good incentive). It was more of disillusionment, and parental pressure.

My mom wanted me to quit a long time ago, ever since I joined up and got the 1st 3 blisters in my life. It was only recently, when her disapproval became more profound, that I was under pressure to get out. I tried to calm her down, but she would not listen (too much). Hiaz...protective parents... not that I can blame her.

Of course, I cannot pin everything on "mummy". I started to become disillusioned a few weeks back. My enthusiasm waned when I realised none of my efforts at being a proper OACian was making any headway, my physique wasn't improving well enough and I am almost always alone during trainings. Besides, being ostracised day after day was not very good for my morale.

So now, I am no longer an OACian, even if I have not completed the paperwork. Perhaps I might regret my decision to quit later on, looking at how close I am to becoming an instructor (maybe not), but I will not entertain this thought right now. I suppose I have better things to do, and I have to scout for a new PDP, Debate seems nice.

Goodbye OAC, I hardly knew you.

Old memories never die.

Just came back from my school choir's "Wild Thinks" concert, it was marvelous. 1st school concert that I've attended, and it would not be the last. Felt bad that I could not attend the OAC night cycling trip due to parental discontent, but I would not be bothered too much over it.

After the concert, met up with one of my BVSS buddies, Firdaus Buhari, the arsehole which I both hated and cherished. We reminisced about old times and talked about our lives right now (or more correctly, bitching about how shitting pre-U life is right now). Our conversation stretched from Bedok Point, to the Mcdonalds outlet near Bedok Interchange, to the Bedok public library andboy did we have one hell of a time.

Despite all the good that this meeting brought up, it does bring to light a few shitty things.
-I have yet to get into a clique in my school, with not many "close" friends outside my CG.
-The CCA I am in is not exactly the most desirable.
-I have been spoiled by the great times I've had in a neighbourhood school, where everything was "light & easy".

Now I have a feeling that my JC life is starting to become screwed up. Wanted to see the teacher in charge of CCAs or something of similar capacity but she is always not in the fucking PE staff room whenever I made an effort (7 or more times already!!) to find her, bullshit sia.

I suppose that's enough rambling for today, I am tired, and I want my slumber.

I am ACHING all over...

Just back from a 15+ km orienteering trek from TJ all the way to Changi Village. That was indeed satisfying, like the staircase climbs in Bukit Timah Hill the OAC team did last week, if it was exhausting (not really). Too bad I will not have moments like these anymore. My mom wants me to quit, and persuading her did fuck-all to help. I suppose she has her reasons, but having to leave one of the most hardcore and respected CCAs (or PDPs as the school likes to call them) in TJC will suck balls. I guess I have myself to blame as well. I was not disciplined or determined enough in the past, thinking that every training is a potential death sentence, complaining about my "predicament" to my mother did wonders to her impression of OAC (which already wasn't very good in the first place). Well that sucks.

As a new student, I came to this school with huge aspirations. Wanting to either join HC or the Students' Council and perhaps becoming a house captain. Too bad academics and perhaps my lack of initiative, coupled with my inactivity became a huge slap in the face. At least being an Outdoorer would give me some prestige, being tough, rough and not someone to mess with. Now even that possibility will be out of reach. Fuck this. Now I will have to search for another PDP. The Global Diplomatic Relations Council seems to be a good choice although it being a typical "nerd" CCA would not do wonders to the apparent respect i might have gained as an OACian. How I hate this world right now.

AOB will be stated upon at a later time. I am extremely lethargic right now, having slept only 2 hours after burning the midnight oil. Fucking PI...