Reflections

It has been more than a week since the end of my promotional exams. I am not going to say much about it. The results are less than satisfactory, might have to forfeit my London trip, as well as the 700 dosh penalty. Tuesday will tell me whether my J1 life ends with a bang or a bang from a gunshot. Moderation, I do hope you can do something about my predicament. While I have wasted my September holidays, it proved to be something of a wake up call, I guess I should be thankful for it. My Econs might be shit, but at least it was not the most miserable...hopefully.

Debate brought about much needed relief from the damned academics, until I was drafted into the proposition for a debate against internet anonymity. Still, it was quite fun, especially when my peers now know how deranged my mentality is. Bonded with them, well, Jordin at least when we had dinner at Subway. And our conversations further showed them how demented I was. I look forward to shocking my peers once again.

Then, I had the opportunity to meet up with a couple of ex-schoolmates yet again. Bros from Bedok View NPCC. The same old rhetoric: old times, how shitty our present situation is now, girlfriends, cigarettes (for them anyway) and all sorts of nostalgic crap we could think of. It might seem like a worthless exploit to try and relive the old times, but, I guess we all have our moments of glory.

More nostalgia came when I went to see my Sec 4 tutors. First was the science tutor, Ms Pratthi (spelling?). Wonderful teacher, and she was teaching a bunch of Sec 4 students when I went into the tuition centre. To think I was in their shoes only a year ago. Time does fly, and I guess it is human nature not to cherish their most memorable moments until they are long gone. I do miss the company of Jeremy, Bo Jun and those 2 girls, all the lewd jokes and crap. Those were simple, yet precious moments, I regret not treasuring them, but then again, I am just looking back with the benefit of hindsight..

Went to see my MT tutor afterwards. Our meeting was brief, very brief. I suppose she was tired. She seemed to be happy to meet me, but she seemed to be in a hurry to finish our conversation. A bit weird, since I had been her student for almost 7 years. I could still vaguely remember my last class with her, when we reminisced about old times and all the (missing) acquaintances and (disappeared) friends I've made there. While I am not the most enthusiastic about the language of the "Middle Kingdom", I did reasonably well for my standards. I have yet to thank her for that.

JC life, despite being only a year old for me, has been a life changing experience. An entity that practically changed, if not destroyed my previous routines, changed my perspectives, reduced my optimism and stifled my emotions. For the better or worse, I do not know, even after 4 hectic school terms. All I can say is, things will never be the same. Life is like a town ravaged by a hurricane, some things might disappear, others might stay, but things will never be the same again.

Random ramblings

I've finally managed to do two hours of proper study, I guess that gives you an idea on how productive my holidays were. After 2 hours of Southeast Asian history at a McDonalds near home, I've decided to ditch one hour of literature so that I could hang out with a couple of old comrades who interrupted my lonely existence. Ah, the joys of "lepaking" with a few friends, bullshitting about how screwed up our lives are, talking about future ambitions and reflecting on the past with the benefit of hindsight. Moments like these, no matter how scarce, are always more enjoyable than surfing the net or even LAN gaming (with I enjoy with a passion mind you), even if all we do is to talk in some secluded corner of Bedok Central, made cosy by the cool, humid equatorial night. I hope we would be able to do something like this again, I really do.

SLCamp 2011, something's up, and it's good.

It's been 4 days since SLCamp 2011. It was simply amazing. The activities, the people, the bonds and the spirit that we all had. If this is what being a TJCian means, I am definitely in the right school.

It would be a total bore, and not worth my time (or rather, yours) to recollect every single moment (or most of it) in the camp. That's the job of my two cameras, my Panasonic Lumix DMC-FX9 and my disposable Fujifilm. However, those 3 days and 2 nights in kota Tinggi's rainforest resort as well as a few hours in TJC and several parts of Singapore during day 1's nomadic race, were freaking awesome. While I do not expect my group to be as bonded as my pre-U seminar team, I am sure that change is coming. While the games, the jungle trek, the raft building fracas and the campfire were activities that every single Leadership camp would have, I have a hunch that change is coming to TJC, and this year's batch of SLCampers (with me as one of them) would lead the charge.

First though, I must have my say about the camp itself. The Sportsexcel ppl who made the camp happen...they have their work cut out for them. It was a rather unique experience. From the accomodations which consisted of tents made out of plastic covers over small concrete platforms, to the showers which did not work (forcing us to use the low taps instead, squatting down naked is never fun), to the small rickety canteen which became a melting pot of facilitators, participants and everyone else for those short few days.

While the activities were not as tough as some of the other camps which I've attended, there were times and trials where my limits were probed. Especially in a segment in which my team had to build a raft out of vats and poles and rope. Bloody hell, I regreted it when I overestimated the abilities of myself and my group. Thank goodness we managed to get our vessel into the water, I've never swam so hard (or so willingly) in my life. Moments of blood, sweat and tears aside, all work and no play makes Jack a dull emo kid. There was much fun to be had in the camp. Be it the numerous times my group and I played the "nah nah" game on the last day, to the campfire in which everyone was as high as a bunch of junkies on 50% pure Colombian cocaine, goodness gracious me, those were fun times. The photographs I've taken of (in no particular order) Jonathan, Leon, Jia Khee, Peggy, Yu Hang, Christian, Gaya the Great and Myself will be preserved for prosterity.

 
Even as I ramble about the details of the camp. Something more important than friendships, fun and memories was to be gained from the camp. I cannot really describe it, any one word would be too vague to decribe it. Whatever it is, it just involves the revival of a long lost TJ spirit. I am not too sure on how to go about it in words...screw it. I will talk about that when I am able to.

Mundane routines of hard work and meagre salvation

Another day as a JC student, another day of mugging, human Xeroxes, PW woes and the like. The fact that I have 2 tests ahead of me isn't helping much, damned history, to think I am planning to study it at university level. I guess my fingerprints will soon be wiped off the face of the Earth through friction.

Tried spicing up things for once, by showing the class the 1984 movie, Nineteen-Eighty Four (nice timing eh?) in GP today. Not that it helped much. I guess such films should only be watched if one has had the time to read the book or (at the very least) knows the gist of things. The movie isn't Due Date, but certain scenes aren't going to help it in the board of censors arsewipes, not a very good sign there. Mrs Lau may call it a valiant attempt to "enlighten" or "introduce" the class about the ideas surrounding the book (bless her, and this is from a freethinker), but the next time I am having playing a movie in class, it will be either Hot Fuzz or Rambo, either will suffice. (Hopefully the 20 girls in my class of 25 might have the hots for Sylvester Stallone, or Simon pegg) I just hope my "valiant" attempt does not label me as a person of ill repute, even though it is not very likely.

On other matters, I've just created my own Tumblr page (that is SO individualistic). It's as cliche as heck but it might be a good way of expressing my daily emotions......nah. I think I will just spam "nigga stole my bike" all over the damned thing. If anyone has an imbecilic wish for death via boredom, here's the link. And yes, I do know what "Sieg heil" and "Shalom" means, and yes, I am being a douche.

Finally, got to do something that is significant.

Today...no, make that yesterday, woke up at six plus, all tired and aching. Had a miserable shower before a meagre breakfast that preced the lugging of my NPCC uniform to school along with my backpack, all before 0700, all because of one thing, TJC's National Day "Parade". And I am the Parade Commander, something that I never was in my days in BV NPCC. All the trainings and uniform preparations would have to pay off then, or I was to have another cock-up to haunt me for the rest of my life.

Less than 30 minutes, following a last minute rehearsal, I was standing at rest, alone, in front of the rock wall, trying not to move an inch while waves of TJCians moved to the assembly grounds. Most of them left me alone, but a couple of PRCs just had to act like fucking idiots around me, no offence, but oh how I wish I could just shoo them away like flies, thank goodness they left before my patience ran out.

What happened next after the ceremony started would be too long-winded a story, but I do remember the details properly. The anxiety that gripped me at the start. The first few commands being accompanied by a shivering right knee. I think my voice cracked once or twice. And the damned microphone prevented me from doing my stationary drills properly (I did my best), I should have anticipated its presence. Still, I guess I did, at the very least, reasonably well for my role as a PC, especially when this was the first, and probably last time I will have such a role.

As I marched off the parade grounds with the flag party, I felt so proud of myself. I finally did something significant, especially when it's in front of the whole school. Of course, the praises I've received were not just the mere icing on the cake, not that I got many of them, but they mattered so much to me. I might sound like an insecure son of a bitch, but they somehow indicated that I am someone who mattered, someone who is not exactly excellent at, but at least capable of doing something right. Hey, it's not everyday when Mr Tan would come up to you and said something that probably contained the words "impressed" and "surprised the whole class". I guess this success kind of made up for that awkward experience I had during the concert afterwards, when I sat alone at the back of the hall. And besides, I had two outings with my ex-classmates after that.

Right now, I am exhausted, time for me to catch some Zs, especially after today's...pleasant...success.

Seriously, can't things get any worse?

If there's some higher being up there, I doubt that he is as all-loving as depicted in the Bible, Koran or whatever. Today's college clean-up...I don't know what to say, it wasn't a first class cock up, but calling it a success would be absolute bullshit. I dont think I am getting the respect I deserve (more like need) for being a CG rep. Not that I want it, but if I want to serve my class and my peers, it would be a bitch to attempt every task I am assigned to and not gain any recognition or even cooperation. While I know that some of my classmates are doing their bit, and perhaps more, others...f*ck it. Maybe it's me, perhaps I am unable to get instructions across everytime I do so, perhaps I am unable to maintain an aura of authority, but what do I know? Being questioned as if I did something wrong, as if I am an unreliable dog whose attempt at passing on instructions from the up-and-up should not be taken seriously. If any of my classmates manage to stumble upon this post, I would expect them to be at least a bit pissed. Still, this mostly one-sided "rant" would not be written without an emotional reason. I just hope for better days to come, or perhaps the day in which I can be recognised for my efforts, if any of it is seen in the first place.


Now, I shall try to do some schoolwork. That lazing sloth of a younger sister pissed me off big time not too long ago, not sure whether I would even bother to work on a subject which I despised in the first place.

Bored, when I am supposed to be studying.

The JCTs are over, not that this is something to be really happy about. Some of the papers were shit while most of them were just plain fucked up. At least I am able to enjoy a three day break, thanks to Youth Day, if only this can last forever. When school reopens, shit is going to hit the fan.