Ah, my very 1st overseas trip in my JC life is just a few hours away, unless I get into some sort of trouble which will indeed fuck my life up. Packed almost everything I need, clothes, torches, cellphones (yes, more than one), batteries, camera, toiletries, guts, enough plastic and ziploc bags to madden a Greenpeace activist and whole lot of other stuff. Seems like I am actually beginning to enjoy OAC, especially after yesterday's PT (improved my 5.7 km by 10 minutes, ah...my stamina, how I love you so). I do hope this will be enjoyable and challenging at the same time (if it's the latter only then my urbane body will turn into a fucking carcass), with all the abseiling, caving, trekking and shit, I just hope we do not get tekan-ed during the whole expedition.
Besides, even if this was shit, at least it would take my mind off yesterday's history and maths tests (fucking horrible little motherfuckers, I think you have an idea on how I fared now). Will stop here now, better get on with my preparations, be back in a few days (if I do get back :P).
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
So long a journey, so painful the agony.
Lectures, tutorials, homework and more work. Whoever tries to bring in the phrase "carpe diem" should GTFO of JC life, there's no way I can properly seize any day, any time now. I come home everyday, sapped of strength, and the bed is like a prostitute to a man high on pure cocaine. Breaks turn into 5, 8 hour slumbers, leaving me to wake up at 6 am, cursing as my unfinished homework invades my line of sight. I slack, I struggle, only to slack again, as I search in vain for goals, encouragement, aqua vitae, or anything else able to get my act together, anything that can get me focused, anything that can justify my existence in TJC, anything at all...
I bet fate must be laughing his arse off right now, for I am now Richard, Duke of Gloucester, and the words "Despair and die!" are turning into an earworm that threatens to turn my sanity into mush. PI's a killer no doubt, adding to my troubles in that hated game of unknowns and numbers, godforsaken math, and OAC (how I loathe, yet love that volatile activity). Yet, I must push on, I cannot let myself down just yet. I have come so far, not to fucking give up. I do not want to be exhausted, I do not wish to run, with massive stitches and tears rolling down my cheeks as the finishing line comes into view, a mile away, but I will, till I can shout "It is done!" and collapse onto the ground, sobbing like a girl from the pain and satisfaction.
The journey will be hard, life isn't easy anymore, time to drag my body and abuse it until it gets the message to stop complaining and get a move on.
I bet fate must be laughing his arse off right now, for I am now Richard, Duke of Gloucester, and the words "Despair and die!" are turning into an earworm that threatens to turn my sanity into mush. PI's a killer no doubt, adding to my troubles in that hated game of unknowns and numbers, godforsaken math, and OAC (how I loathe, yet love that volatile activity). Yet, I must push on, I cannot let myself down just yet. I have come so far, not to fucking give up. I do not want to be exhausted, I do not wish to run, with massive stitches and tears rolling down my cheeks as the finishing line comes into view, a mile away, but I will, till I can shout "It is done!" and collapse onto the ground, sobbing like a girl from the pain and satisfaction.
The journey will be hard, life isn't easy anymore, time to drag my body and abuse it until it gets the message to stop complaining and get a move on.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
FML TTM in regards to my PDP
Why the fuck did I join OAC in the first place. Can't believe a decision to just have a look at the OAC booth during the PDP selection period turned into something of hell on steroids. I am becoming fitter, and hopefully I am losing weight as well, but I keep asking myself from time to time, "You Fuckwit! Why didn't you join the Drama club like you intended to?" I must be too desperate to relive my NPCC experiences in TJC to think properly.
Whatever it is, I am starting to kick myself. Just today, which was rather fun since we got to use the school's adventure tower, I got ostracised twice, one time which was so direct that my name's on it.. Fuck them, fuck this. I am not fucking Mr Incredible (why use that as a reference? I have no fucking idea) and I do not have the proper mindset. So you think you guys can be good, fine, I will make sure I can be just as good, if not better. Even if I get screwed physically by pushing myself, I think I will gain the respect of my teammates and regain my pride.
Other than training up myself, I might as well be patient, and wait for the seniors to GTFO. At least my life would be easier then. No shits screaming at me and stuff. Besides, quitting now would be a waste, I am on my way to getting a NYAA gold anyway, and the exercise would be good for my national service.
Now, I am shit tired, better rest for a new day ahead.
Whatever it is, I am starting to kick myself. Just today, which was rather fun since we got to use the school's adventure tower, I got ostracised twice, one time which was so direct that my name's on it.. Fuck them, fuck this. I am not fucking Mr Incredible (why use that as a reference? I have no fucking idea) and I do not have the proper mindset. So you think you guys can be good, fine, I will make sure I can be just as good, if not better. Even if I get screwed physically by pushing myself, I think I will gain the respect of my teammates and regain my pride.
Other than training up myself, I might as well be patient, and wait for the seniors to GTFO. At least my life would be easier then. No shits screaming at me and stuff. Besides, quitting now would be a waste, I am on my way to getting a NYAA gold anyway, and the exercise would be good for my national service.
Now, I am shit tired, better rest for a new day ahead.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
WTF am I here?
Holy crap, H2 maths is a killer, I feel like dropping, BAD!!!! Even then, I am not sure whether I can actually cope better. Nothing's good when you can hardly understand anything that is said during lectures. Whatever, I have things to do, they shall be done, even if it leaves a shitload of questions unanswered.
Besides, after a long dilemma on whether to join the school's house committee, divine intervention came in the form of my mom. At least her 2-letter answer leaves me with more time to sort out my studies, and perhaps my life (is it screwed up in the first place?).
Better GTFO now, I have loads of work to do.
Besides, after a long dilemma on whether to join the school's house committee, divine intervention came in the form of my mom. At least her 2-letter answer leaves me with more time to sort out my studies, and perhaps my life (is it screwed up in the first place?).
Better GTFO now, I have loads of work to do.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Nostalgia remains, even with camaraderie, even with enthusiasm, it refuses to leave.
I finally have some time to blog, to say something close to my heart. About something that refuses to go away. I've always thought that nostalgia is a good thing, connecting one with the past. Now, it is becoming something of a nuisance. I might as well talk about it, hopefully these will put my frustrations to rest.
Last Saturday, went back to BVSS for the annual UG campfire. Actually met up with Shan Leong, Firdaus, Nabil, Seng Wei and Arif at SAFRA Tampines beforehand, but I wanted to change into my NPCC shirt (for the sentimental value). Too bad there was no time left when I got to Bedok Interchange on my way home, FML. All I could do was to meet up with my UG friends in school (including the ones mentioned in that fucking long list up there). Everything felt so natural in there, the school's layout, the people, the teachers... Unlike TJC, not that the school sucks or anything like that. It's just that...it feels so alienating.
After 4 years in a neighbourhood school, where academics are not all A's, minor successes become major victories, facilities are not perfect, and the personalities are varied. Going to the 5th best JC (I think) can be compared to a rural teen moving into a metropolis after winning the lottery. The memories as a Bedok Viewian still haunt me furiously. Perhaps I am too used to the simple life. With the lack of, and the "not giving a shit" type of attitude for activities and opportunities and stuff offered in TJ. A month + already and I am still trying to get used to things. Better sort myself out, pronto.
The lifestyle change is not the only one screwing shit up for me. My friends and the people I've become accustomed to. Be it the 15 or so squadmates in my beloved NPCC squad. Arif, Bhalaji, Crystal, Ding Wen, Firdaus, Hazirah, Jie Ting, Kian Cheng, Nabil, Nooraini, Sariza, Seng Wei, Shan Leong and finally Syafiq. Whose presence made my 4 years in NPCC a memorable one.
Or Benjamin, Matin, Wei Rong, Xun Jie, Jia Wei, Hong Yu, Tien Ee, Edmund and all those buggers whom I frequently hung out with as friends from 2E2 '08, with the not so great Sec 2 camp, BV bazaar, and even after the class broke up after streaming. The gatherings at Ben's place, Xun Jie's appendicitis, the swimming sessions we had in '09, '10, they will never be forgotten.
Not forgetting the wonderful people in 3E2/4E2 '10, be it the small but fun 'clique' that was the Pure Geog class to the jocks whom I sometimes hung out with, ranging from Hazwan to Jasper, Hafiz to Ryan, Pei Qing to Jia Ling and loads more. Plus those schoolmates from other classes during History or those MT lessons in which we slept (3rd worst class, 2009) or slacked (3rd best class, 2010).
And I must include under pain of death, my small band of nerds, Isaac, Nobel, Yan Zhong and See Cheng (a long suffering buddy of mine (and vice versa) of 4 years), with the occasional presence of Chun Kiat, the 'dog' which we all adored [and despised ;) ]
Yet, there are a few others I have to include in this post (even if it is now a long-winded P.O.S), those special few people, Josephine (Jo Jo, Bad Jojo or Nanny), Jezebel (from whom a violent reaction is triggered whenever a sleeve is pulled), Mitchell (that 'special', hyperactive one), Hui Ting, the one whom I didn't really know at first and Joshua, the pianist. They aren't the closest of friends, but they have a special place in my heart.
And how about the Juniors, be it from NPCC, RDA and so on, or even the seniors? The UG friends we have made over time and over inter-CCA rivalries? They count too!
They may not be the brightest, the most cool tempered, the most urbane, the most enthusiastic, the what-so-fucking-ever of students, but they mean a lot to me, and that's what matters. I miss being enthusiastic for NPCC trainings, I miss hanging out with my NPCC comrades at the bubble tea shop behind the school, I miss having lunch with my schoolmates at tuition, I miss slacking in MT after my chinese O'levels, I miss all these and more. Since TJC is near Bedok View, I might be able to have a look around, or perhaps get a bite or two in the places I used to hang out in, but there will not be any Bhalaji or Isaac, Nobel or Yan Zhong, or See Cheng for company.
Right now, if I was given the opportunity to relive those experiences again, I would be willing to sacrifice another 4 years of my life. Sounds extreme? Perhaps, but you are not in my shoes.
The only problem is that that opportunity will never come. I am left with only memories, recollections, blog entries, photographs and the occasional video recordings. Are they proper substitutes for experiences? Hell no! Unfortunately, they are the only ones I have left. All I can do now is to get used to it and get on with life, like the rest of humanity. These experiences and memories have brought me this far, better not fail them now.
Whew! Finally got that off my chest. Now I've homework to do. And I doubt many will see this in the 1st place. Perhaps I might have a different view of things 10+ years down the road, and even after JC, only time will tell.
Last Saturday, went back to BVSS for the annual UG campfire. Actually met up with Shan Leong, Firdaus, Nabil, Seng Wei and Arif at SAFRA Tampines beforehand, but I wanted to change into my NPCC shirt (for the sentimental value). Too bad there was no time left when I got to Bedok Interchange on my way home, FML. All I could do was to meet up with my UG friends in school (including the ones mentioned in that fucking long list up there). Everything felt so natural in there, the school's layout, the people, the teachers... Unlike TJC, not that the school sucks or anything like that. It's just that...it feels so alienating.
After 4 years in a neighbourhood school, where academics are not all A's, minor successes become major victories, facilities are not perfect, and the personalities are varied. Going to the 5th best JC (I think) can be compared to a rural teen moving into a metropolis after winning the lottery. The memories as a Bedok Viewian still haunt me furiously. Perhaps I am too used to the simple life. With the lack of, and the "not giving a shit" type of attitude for activities and opportunities and stuff offered in TJ. A month + already and I am still trying to get used to things. Better sort myself out, pronto.
The lifestyle change is not the only one screwing shit up for me. My friends and the people I've become accustomed to. Be it the 15 or so squadmates in my beloved NPCC squad. Arif, Bhalaji, Crystal, Ding Wen, Firdaus, Hazirah, Jie Ting, Kian Cheng, Nabil, Nooraini, Sariza, Seng Wei, Shan Leong and finally Syafiq. Whose presence made my 4 years in NPCC a memorable one.
And how about the Juniors, be it from NPCC, RDA and so on, or even the seniors? The UG friends we have made over time and over inter-CCA rivalries? They count too!
They may not be the brightest, the most cool tempered, the most urbane, the most enthusiastic, the what-so-fucking-ever of students, but they mean a lot to me, and that's what matters. I miss being enthusiastic for NPCC trainings, I miss hanging out with my NPCC comrades at the bubble tea shop behind the school, I miss having lunch with my schoolmates at tuition, I miss slacking in MT after my chinese O'levels, I miss all these and more. Since TJC is near Bedok View, I might be able to have a look around, or perhaps get a bite or two in the places I used to hang out in, but there will not be any Bhalaji or Isaac, Nobel or Yan Zhong, or See Cheng for company.
Right now, if I was given the opportunity to relive those experiences again, I would be willing to sacrifice another 4 years of my life. Sounds extreme? Perhaps, but you are not in my shoes.
The only problem is that that opportunity will never come. I am left with only memories, recollections, blog entries, photographs and the occasional video recordings. Are they proper substitutes for experiences? Hell no! Unfortunately, they are the only ones I have left. All I can do now is to get used to it and get on with life, like the rest of humanity. These experiences and memories have brought me this far, better not fail them now.
Whew! Finally got that off my chest. Now I've homework to do. And I doubt many will see this in the 1st place. Perhaps I might have a different view of things 10+ years down the road, and even after JC, only time will tell.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
WTH am I doing here?
I guess this is the result of me being a teenager in a developed nation, equipped with a portable communication device, stuck in a boring General Paper class.
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Saturday, March 5, 2011
Saturdays are fun, most of the time.
Yesterday's OAC training was rather fun. Had to be punished via push ups for some mistakes my team did last training (I was on a lit field trip, HOORAY for arts!!!), but things became better later on. Had campcraft training, was supposed to build a structure with my team, but we failed, damn. Still, we did have some form of fun, and I bet we will be "pumped" like fuck next training.
Today....had my CG mates come over for some history project. 1st time alone with 2 girls in my study (for a while before Gabriel arrived), don't get me wrong, but I guess having a circle of friends like what I;ve had in BVSS sure makes this one DIFFERENT experience (awkward much). I kena arrowed to be the main presenter for our presentation, I hope this goes well...
Gosh, I bet this is one shitty post.
Today....had my CG mates come over for some history project. 1st time alone with 2 girls in my study (for a while before Gabriel arrived), don't get me wrong, but I guess having a circle of friends like what I;ve had in BVSS sure makes this one DIFFERENT experience (awkward much). I kena arrowed to be the main presenter for our presentation, I hope this goes well...
Gosh, I bet this is one shitty post.
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